I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
