Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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