He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
