It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
