tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
