I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
