Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
