My brain says no but my pants say off.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
