Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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