3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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