Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
