I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
