The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
