Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
