my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
