"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
