There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize