His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
