Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
