i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
