You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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