I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
