How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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