my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
