yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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