A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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