Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
