Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
