Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
