plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
