someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
