For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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