think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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