There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize