It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
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