Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
