Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
