just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
