I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
