I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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