I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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