Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I am spending my child support on dildos
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
