She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
