What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
