Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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