Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
