before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
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Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
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And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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