So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
