Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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