I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
