I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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