I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
