He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
