Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
