I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
