I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
