Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
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I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
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Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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