I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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