Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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