Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize