One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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